January 23, 2004

Local Flavor

I've been blogging quite a bit about national news lately, so today's updates will have a local flavor.

First up is a story that has been ongoing here in Colorado for a while. Essentially this entire cul-de-sac has been fighting over whether or not kids can play in the street. The residents have been calling the cops because it's technically illegal to play in the street. Now legislators are attempting to resolve the dispute. Why on earth has this become this big an issue? It's pretty damn sad that the state legislature has to be the group that determines common sense, especially when we come from a state that produces either incredibly bland or crazy politicians, that rarely accomplish anything.

Why can't we just get everyone to agree to the following:

1. Playing in the street, whether legal or not, is something that kids are going to do. Sometimes there's games that you want to play that can't be done in a driveway or a backyard. Keeping in mind that backyards nowadays are built roughly the size of a jewel case, and you're going to get situations where kids want to play street football or street hockey. They may even want to play kick the can if they've been in a coma since 1930.

2. Playing in a suburban cul-de-sac, while not as safe as, say, sitting on a couch covered in bubble wrap while wearing a helmet is not exactly the same as playing Russian roulette, sniffing glue, or running around with paint pens and tagging everything in sight.

3. Because you let your kids play on the street does not mean that they will turn out to be car thieves or hookers, nor does it make you bad parents.

4. Just because Douglas County is the whitest place on earth outside of Vermont, doesn't mean that you need to call the cops regarding every little issue that you may have. Police should get involved in situations where, you know, your life is in danger, or you come home to find that your house has been broken into, or your car stereo got ripped off, or your child has been kidnapped, or any number of situations where damage has been, or damage is imminent in regards to your life, liberty or property. NOT BECAUSE KIDS ARE PLAYING IN THE GODDAMN STREET!

5. Overall, on a scale of 1 to 10, with one being a child riding a tricycle while wearing a helmet, and 10 being a child trying to push crack in the Bronx at midnight after the Yankees blow game seven of the world series. These kids are at about a danger level of 2.

6. An entire neighborhood of adults who cannot attempt to resolve things in an adult manner are pretty much all complete cretins. Grow up.

In short. Somebody just needs to call a neighborhood meeting and give every homeowner there a swat to the back of the head.


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